ADORABLE Success

So you might get the impression that I fail at a lot of things. Fine, you might be right. But, it's also true that misadventure is more fun - more fun to complain about, more fun to write about, and, hopefully, more fun to read about. If you know me very well, you know I'm a pretty harsh critic of myself so I am never fully satisfied with anything I make or do anyway. But I'm also the first in line to make fun of myself or anything that smacks of failure or tragedy. (My brother is the same way. The more devastating, the more we find to laugh about.) It's a twisted cycle but it keeps me entertained.

A couple of weeks ago, my brother and sister-in-law and their adorable little guy came to stay with us for the weekend. I love my husband's family. They are sarcastic, hardworking, thoughtful, generous - I could go on and on, it's really quite sickening. We had a great time checking out a natural history museum and watching movies and ...... making Twinkie Minions. I KNOW! Someone showed this pin to my husband:

And he determined that this would be the next project. He surprised me by bringing home Twinkies, black and white gel icing, and candy googly eyes.  

My sister-in-law, Liz, is just the best and she is always down for a creative adventure. We didn't have the ingredients for cupcakes so we looked over Pinterest for just Twinkie Minions and found this:

So cute right? Well, we didn't have all of that stuff either (ha, typical) so we found ways to improvise. We're like crafty MacGyvers. I'm really proud of our results:

I love them all but I think the last one is the best. Hilariously, he's the odd man out because we ran out of white frosting and had to improvise even more. It was so much fun to do this project with Liz and her kiddo, Atticus! It was way less fun to eat them. OMG America - I can't believe you were having a cow over Twinkies not being produced! Not delicious at all. But they make squealingly cute Minions, so it's not all bad.

A few more pictures:

Don't worry, Liz and I are the first to admit the teeth are creepy

XXXXXXXOOOOOO,

Melanie

Colorful fun!

So on the fun and crafty side, what have I been up to? Alex and I attempted a fun melted crayon project. So original, I know! But it seemed like a safe(ish) art project to do with Alex - a rowdy 2 1/2 year old. Of course, everything is an adventure at my house. The basic idea came from that project we all did as kids - crayon "stained glass." But I thought it would be fun to melt the crayon shavings onto canvases and hang them in Alex's room like Mommy and Me art.

 So, like this:

Plus this:

When will chevrons die? For real. Anyhoo, my husband's aunt gave us a ton of crayons that are all slightly melty and broken - PERFECT for this project. I was so excited to get started. I pulled out a couple of canvases, a hair dryer, some wax paper, the bag of crayons and a knife to shave the crayons. I am the best mom ever and I can't wait to show Alex. I sit him at the kitchen table and try to describe the project in simple terms. He really wanted to watch Yo Gabba Gabba or Dino Squad so he's not listening to me. Which is why it comes as such a shock when I pull back the paper and start scraping away at a crayon. 

*Gasp* "Mommy broke my crayon!" 

Now, I was the type of kid who tried to use my crayons evenly to maintain its shape, I never broke them purposely or peeled off the labels, and sharpening them was absolutely a last resort because it really messes with the integrity of the whole box to just start sharpening crayons willy-nilly. I am still that kid and Alex obviously has some inkling of my ... issues. So his mind is blown. But it's still not enough to keep him engaged. I kind of get him to focus on picking colors and occasionally sprinkling shavings onto his canvas but he loses interest pretty quickly. By the time my blow dryer suddenly burns out its motor (within the first 2 minutes of turning it on), he's already playing with cars in the living room. When I burn my finger on the iron I am using in place of the blow dryer, he is wondering when I will make him a peanut butter sandwich. 

Sigh .... Well, at least they turned out colorful and cute, sort of "Jackson Pollock meets preschool." 

We show them to my husband when he gets home. 

"Yeah. Mommy breaks my crayons, " Alex tells his father ruefully.

Gah!

XOXO,

Melanie

What's been going on?

Remember when I told you that I was a nutbar? My life completely reflects that right now. I don't mean that in a disparaging way (ahem - Shawn) but I do recognize that I like to overbook myself and then stress myself into a nap/coma. What am I up to now? Well, let's look at the projects that I've completed lately. I'll start with the experiments.

Orange peel cleanser, it just sounds good. Here is the pin, for your viewing pleasure and here is my picture of the half-completed project:

I am always excited about all natural cleansers and household stuff. We introduce a ridiculous amount of chemicals into our homes without a second thought because they are "cleaning products" - nevermind the list of unpronounceable ingredients and freaky warnings that are basically just a list of all the ways the product can kill or maim you. So I attempted this cleanser because it's just vinegar, orange peels, and rubbing alcohol; natural and yummy-smelling and super-effective by all accounts.

 I'm still not sure what went horribly wrong with my batch. 

Maybe it was the lid that refused to fit on the jar again, spinning endlessly like a stripped screw. Maybe I picked inferior oranges. All I know is that when I used the finished product, it was SO STICKY. I used it on tile floor to clean dog pee - rain is such a mixed blessing - and refused to re-clean the area for hours despite the tackiness because I was deluding myself with the idea that I just had to let it dry a little longer. Also, my husband has no faith in non-chemical cleansers and he was just a wee bit too smug for me to admit defeat right away. 

I also tried what's being touted as "Blessing in a Bottle" and "Tub and Shower Magic" on Pinterest. Here's just one of many pins. I didn't take a picture - it's blue foamy cleanser in a spray bottle, y'all; I'm sure your imagination can whip something up. Anyway, it really does work. It's an effective cleaner, particularly on soap scum. But, it smells like vinegar. Because it is. It's half Dawn and half white vinegar but your nose can't tell the difference between that and 100% vinegar, I guarantee. I sprayed the master bathroom with it late, late at night and then had trouble sleeping because that tart smell was seeping into the bedroom through the closed door. That is PUNGENT. So, use with caution. 

Perhaps I am a ridiculous optimist but, despite these results, I still want to make my own laundry detergent. It's so much cheaper! Unfortunately, my track record is hurting my chances on this one; my husband is not enthusiastic about the idea of whipping up a big ol' batch of mystery and unleashing it on our clothing and washing machine since we can't afford to replace either. So we'll see. He has agreed to the wool dryer balls though so there is an opportunity to redeem myself and natural alternatives. I'll post a picture when I have my dryer balls made, although, I am warning you right now they will not look as orderly as the ones in the pin. I'm also in the middle of making reusable Swiffer covers. And by "in the middle of" I mean "I have the fabric and the intention to turn that fabric into Swiffer covers. At some point. Within my lifetime. I hope."

Remember this picture? That, my friends, is coconut oil, cocoa butter, and shea butter whipped into an inferior beauty product. Oh yes. It was meant to be a gift for my lovely friend Erin who loves all natural products and appreciates homemade gifts. It's incredibly moisturizing and it smells great so I suppose, in that sense, it's a success. However, I don't have a whisk attachment for my mixer so the texture never did properly set up. The original pin called for just coconut oil but I added the thicker butters after spending 10 minutes whipping the oil into a thin sloppy mess. It sorta set up into an ok texture so I poured it into 3 baby food jars. I was almost hopeful! Then I put a jar in the bathroom while I showered and it melted. GAH! I still use it, even though it looks gross - a bit like semi-solid bacon grease - but I couldn't bring myself to give it as a gift. 

I know this all sounds like I've just been failing all over the place but, really, everything is a learning experience and nothing was expensive or disastrous. This is only the beginning of the projects I've been working on. Stay tuned, something is bound to go right. And if it doesn't, it just makes a funnier story and I'm pretty ok with that too.

XOXOXOX,

Melanie

OMG Stop the Insanity (workout)

No, for real, somebody turn it off. Or at least pause it. Shaun T. is trying to kill me. Why won't my ears pop? My knees are like noodles. Gaaaah! I am fumbling through this workout at half-speed and I'm pretty sure my body is desperately trying to create a third lung or a second heart to cope with it - how can you continue giving me instructions while demonstrating the exercises? Yes, these moves are "explosive", any more "explosive" and my chest will look like something out of Aliens. This workout is clearly for fit people. If you are not fit, you are UNFIT for Insanity. Shaun T. hates chunky people and he's trying to kill us off one "explosive" move at a time. Save yourselves - until you are fit enough to worry about things like muscle definition or plyometrics, you should not attempt this workout. If more than one place on your body jiggles, this is not for you.

Back to ye olde drawing board.

Ok, I refuse to see this as failure. I will try this workout again when I can benchpress my husband and run a marathon. In the mean time, I'm going to try this one now:

Wish me luck!

XOXOXOX,

Melanie

Teasers

Here are some projects I'm working on:

A large calendar to use with white board/window markers. The crookedness is an issue. My OCD won't let it go. 

An all natural cleanser with a yummy smell. Supposed to cut through grease and soap and be somewhat antibacterial. I'm excited to try it out.

Whipped coconut oil, shea butter, and cocoa butter. 100% natural! We'll see how it turns out

XOXO,

Melanie

Ugh ...Fitness

For those of you who do not know me - I am not fit. I was really overweight, I had a kiddo, and I lost a lot of weight (about 30lb, not counting the baby weight) by watching my calories and walking.

Me, preggo. Sadly, I was only like 6 or 7 months along. I got BIG y'all.

Me now(ish) - I have a little more to go

 But then I got to that place in which losing more weight would mean I'd have to reduce my calories significantly again and really work out. And, apparently, I am comfortable with where I am so I didn't. Except I'm not comfortable with where I am. It's soooo much better than where I was BUT I know I can - and should - do better, for myself and as an example to my son. Also, I actually gained 5 lbs recently so I can't wear my fancy pants (which are just slacks but I'm a stay at home mom so they are, simply by not being jeans or jammies, FANCY). Enter: the miracle that is Pinterest.

First of all - wow. There are so many workouts. This is awesome because I LOVE confusion and feeling overwhelmed. Hahaha, weeeeee! I wade through much of it by immediately ruling out anything with equipment. I have no money and I doubt my workouts will be so intense that I will require anything other than cell phone to call a waaambulance.

I look through a lot of pins, watch videos, eat a spoonful of Nutella, and decide that I need something that has structure. I already have a kind of support group/accountability team to motivate me to move it everyday. I need structure in the actual workout or I'll just make stuff up and sometimes that stuff includes Nutella. I would also like for the exercises to work more than one muscle group at a time - according to the Internet, isolating is for chumps. Lastly, it should be at least a little fun. Then I spotted this pin: 

Normally, I ignore the pins with pictures of guys working out. It's a motivation thing - my brain thinks "I can't look like that" and clicks past. But - look how happy that guy seems! According to this pin, it's part of that Insanity workout that everyone is buying right now. Suddenly, I'm into this workout because it seems like a bargain to do it for free. It clearly has intrinsic value - I'll be saving money and losing weight! Hahaha, psychology. I watched the how-to videos and I will say that I'm little concerned about my knees holding up but I figure 6 moves in 20 minutes is worth a shot. So here's my plan: I will attempt to do this 3 times a week at minimum. The rest of the time, I will do cardio or a video. I will give myself a day of rest - even God took a break, am I right?

Also, I think I will make this little system for wildcard days when I'm feeling spicy or bored. So, no excuses! I put this out there in the universe and now I have to do it! I'll update you on my progress and let you know when I can get my tush back in those FANCY pants. 

One last semi-related thing: I am working on finalizing a daily/weekly/monthly schedule thing to manage the household chores, working out, family fun, Alexander playdates, menu planning, etc. I'll tell you all about it ASAP :)

XOXO,

Melanie

The Halter Tee

Not all of my Pinterest adventures end in fire and adrenaline. The first project I attempted was to alter a t-shirt. There are a ton of t-shirt modification pins that are super cool ... if you are in very good shape or have a really positive body image. So I generally look at the t-shirt pins for a second to admire the ingenuity of the alteration (and the rocking physique of the woman wearing it) and then move along to more appropriate clothing for both my fitness and self-esteem level. Until I saw this pin:

Cute, right? I love everything about it. I have 2 amazingly soft shirts that I wore throughout my pregnancy that are now amazingly soft tents. I love to sleep in them but I don't really suffer from a lack of sleep shirts - what I really need are fashionable tops that I can wear outside the house. So I grabbed one of my tent/shirts, a pair of scissors, and my son's sidewalk chalk. My mom was staying with us at the time and ended up a reluctant participant in my project. That's what happens - my projects suck in all the nearby people and resources. Anyhoo, I followed the instructions without any real problem and ended up with something very similar to the "after" picture. Go me! Except .... what's up with the seams on the shoulders? They look ...distracting. Also, did I mention it was a tent before? Cutting off the sleeves didn't really change that. Hmmm, this is showing a lot more skin in the back than I am comfortable with. Ugh ....