OMG Stop the Insanity (workout)

No, for real, somebody turn it off. Or at least pause it. Shaun T. is trying to kill me. Why won't my ears pop? My knees are like noodles. Gaaaah! I am fumbling through this workout at half-speed and I'm pretty sure my body is desperately trying to create a third lung or a second heart to cope with it - how can you continue giving me instructions while demonstrating the exercises? Yes, these moves are "explosive", any more "explosive" and my chest will look like something out of Aliens. This workout is clearly for fit people. If you are not fit, you are UNFIT for Insanity. Shaun T. hates chunky people and he's trying to kill us off one "explosive" move at a time. Save yourselves - until you are fit enough to worry about things like muscle definition or plyometrics, you should not attempt this workout. If more than one place on your body jiggles, this is not for you.

Back to ye olde drawing board.

Ok, I refuse to see this as failure. I will try this workout again when I can benchpress my husband and run a marathon. In the mean time, I'm going to try this one now:

Wish me luck!

XOXOXOX,

Melanie

Teasers

Here are some projects I'm working on:

A large calendar to use with white board/window markers. The crookedness is an issue. My OCD won't let it go. 

An all natural cleanser with a yummy smell. Supposed to cut through grease and soap and be somewhat antibacterial. I'm excited to try it out.

Whipped coconut oil, shea butter, and cocoa butter. 100% natural! We'll see how it turns out

XOXO,

Melanie

Ugh ...Fitness

For those of you who do not know me - I am not fit. I was really overweight, I had a kiddo, and I lost a lot of weight (about 30lb, not counting the baby weight) by watching my calories and walking.

Me, preggo. Sadly, I was only like 6 or 7 months along. I got BIG y'all.

Me now(ish) - I have a little more to go

 But then I got to that place in which losing more weight would mean I'd have to reduce my calories significantly again and really work out. And, apparently, I am comfortable with where I am so I didn't. Except I'm not comfortable with where I am. It's soooo much better than where I was BUT I know I can - and should - do better, for myself and as an example to my son. Also, I actually gained 5 lbs recently so I can't wear my fancy pants (which are just slacks but I'm a stay at home mom so they are, simply by not being jeans or jammies, FANCY). Enter: the miracle that is Pinterest.

First of all - wow. There are so many workouts. This is awesome because I LOVE confusion and feeling overwhelmed. Hahaha, weeeeee! I wade through much of it by immediately ruling out anything with equipment. I have no money and I doubt my workouts will be so intense that I will require anything other than cell phone to call a waaambulance.

I look through a lot of pins, watch videos, eat a spoonful of Nutella, and decide that I need something that has structure. I already have a kind of support group/accountability team to motivate me to move it everyday. I need structure in the actual workout or I'll just make stuff up and sometimes that stuff includes Nutella. I would also like for the exercises to work more than one muscle group at a time - according to the Internet, isolating is for chumps. Lastly, it should be at least a little fun. Then I spotted this pin: 

Normally, I ignore the pins with pictures of guys working out. It's a motivation thing - my brain thinks "I can't look like that" and clicks past. But - look how happy that guy seems! According to this pin, it's part of that Insanity workout that everyone is buying right now. Suddenly, I'm into this workout because it seems like a bargain to do it for free. It clearly has intrinsic value - I'll be saving money and losing weight! Hahaha, psychology. I watched the how-to videos and I will say that I'm little concerned about my knees holding up but I figure 6 moves in 20 minutes is worth a shot. So here's my plan: I will attempt to do this 3 times a week at minimum. The rest of the time, I will do cardio or a video. I will give myself a day of rest - even God took a break, am I right?

Also, I think I will make this little system for wildcard days when I'm feeling spicy or bored. So, no excuses! I put this out there in the universe and now I have to do it! I'll update you on my progress and let you know when I can get my tush back in those FANCY pants. 

One last semi-related thing: I am working on finalizing a daily/weekly/monthly schedule thing to manage the household chores, working out, family fun, Alexander playdates, menu planning, etc. I'll tell you all about it ASAP :)

XOXO,

Melanie

The Halter Tee

Not all of my Pinterest adventures end in fire and adrenaline. The first project I attempted was to alter a t-shirt. There are a ton of t-shirt modification pins that are super cool ... if you are in very good shape or have a really positive body image. So I generally look at the t-shirt pins for a second to admire the ingenuity of the alteration (and the rocking physique of the woman wearing it) and then move along to more appropriate clothing for both my fitness and self-esteem level. Until I saw this pin:

Cute, right? I love everything about it. I have 2 amazingly soft shirts that I wore throughout my pregnancy that are now amazingly soft tents. I love to sleep in them but I don't really suffer from a lack of sleep shirts - what I really need are fashionable tops that I can wear outside the house. So I grabbed one of my tent/shirts, a pair of scissors, and my son's sidewalk chalk. My mom was staying with us at the time and ended up a reluctant participant in my project. That's what happens - my projects suck in all the nearby people and resources. Anyhoo, I followed the instructions without any real problem and ended up with something very similar to the "after" picture. Go me! Except .... what's up with the seams on the shoulders? They look ...distracting. Also, did I mention it was a tent before? Cutting off the sleeves didn't really change that. Hmmm, this is showing a lot more skin in the back than I am comfortable with. Ugh ....

Fire BAD!

One of my close friends, Ruby, invited us over to celebrate her birthday last Wednesday night. She was thinking that the chaos in the next couple of weeks would make it difficult for us to find a time to see one another.

"But Melanie," she said. "Please don't spend any money on me."

Immediately, my mind started racing. Did she mean that, really? She sounded really sincere. Obviously, we're giving her something.  How can I get around this? How can I bend the rule without breaking it?

"You got really quiet there," Ruby observed, laughing. She knows me too well. She went on to explain that she'd already told her kids and her husband that there was nothing she wanted. But, she conceded, we could make her something for her birthday. Ah ha!

So then it was just a matter of looking at the projects I have pinned on Pinterest and finding the one that meets the following requirements:
1) I had to already have all the components. I did promise not to buy anything. Well, plus I'm broke and most stores don't work on a barter system.
2) I had to be able to complete it in less than one day. Ruby called Tuesday evening to invite us over Wednesday night - it was going to have to be quick.
3) In a perfect world, the project would involve Alex, my 2 1/2 year old son. This would allow me to work on it while he was awake (instead of tearing through it during the nap he might refuse to take), it would be a great experience for him, and Ruby would enjoy that he helped out. Everybody wins.

After considering and discarding several ideas (the upside being that I know what to do for Ruby's Christmas gift), I decided on sun catchers made from melted beads. The project seemed simple and straight forward and Alex could help me make a pretty pattern with the beads in the pan. If I could keep him from eating the beads. I was pleased with myself for finding such a perfect and thoughtful gift. Oh pride!

So cute, right?

The trouble began when I realized that the only beads in the universe that I do not have in my possession are pony beads. I shrugged it off; I have a ton of plastic beads. What's the difference? Also, somehow I don't have regular muffin pans - only minis. Weird, but not really a problem.

I grabbed some beads that seemed likely candidates, preheated the oven, and got Alex started on his part. He started out oohing and ahhing over the beads and was beyond excited that I was letting him play with such strange, tiny toys. Then: chaos. I don't know about your 2 year old, but mine does not understand about designing and laying out a single layer of colorful beads in a pie pan. I know - why was I shocked? HE'S 2!! He can't tell the difference when I say "Jesus" and "cheeses" - how would he follow my ridiculous instructions? I tried to scale back my expectations because I want him to be creative and love arts and crafts and not fear his perfectionist, nutcase mom. But I'm also a perfectionist and a nutcase so this is a struggle for me. I finally just let him dump messy fistfuls of beads into the pie pan and try to be encouraging about that.

Anyhoo, I eventually get the first pan into the oven. In reading the instructions, I'd noted that one family was really concerned about the chemical smell emanating from the melting beads but a second family really pooh-poohed the (overpowering) odor and the (probable) danger of inhaling the (toxic) fumes. Based on the evil scent pouring out of my kitchen after only 5 minutes, I turned off the oven, opened the back door, and tried to find another way to melt plastic. One mom did it on a grill - awesome! Grills are like outdoor ovens right? I got instructions from my husband on how to start the gas grill and set those beads a-cookin'. I'm inside, complimenting Alex on filling the pie pan to the brim with beads when I see the black smoke rising steadily.

I ran outside and used an oven mitt to throw back the lid. Oxygen rushed in and set ablaze everything that wasn't already on fire. Part of my brain was just dumbfounded. But the rest of it was pretty much "Oh crap." The functional part turned off the burners and dashed back inside to grab the fire extinguisher. I briefly considered just letting the plastic burn itself out but there was enough smoke and chemical smell that someone might have call the fire department. So, I gave the fire a couple bursts from my extinguisher.

The next logical question (for me) was "How do I explain this to my husband?"

So then this happened:

What a lucky fellow to have landed me!

Whelp - that about sums it up. Even with the fire, I totally recommend this project. I also recommend using a toaster oven outside to avoid the fumes and, you know, flames. Also, the Dremel worked well to make holes although the bit we used did melt the plastic onto it. Beyond that, using the larger jelly-bean-looking beads weakened the structure since they didn't melt as completely as the others. But they look so pretty! Here's the outcome:

Typically, I didn't take a picture of the finished product (ugh) but I'll get one from Ruby and post it soon. Hopefully Ruby enjoys having our first run sun-catcher and thinks of us when she sees it :)

XOXO,
Melanie